The economy, for lack of more intelligent commentary, sucks balls right now. So why hasn't Starbucks slashed its rather exorbitant prices on what is essentially flavored milk, and why have they instead jacked up their prices and increased their aggressive feel-good advertising? Even the most finicky of coffee snobs must eventually come to terms with the fact that the green, dual-tailed Siren is no longer a symbol of hip pseudo-affluence, but an emblem of low quality and corporate greed. I predict that, in five years, we will be watching VH1's "I <3 the New Millenium: Version 2.0" and there will be an entire montage chock-full of D-list celebrities talking about how the Frappuccino changed their life. Long, long ago.

Pathetic, but after dropping out of college, blindly applying to different institutions that I haven't really researched and don't really want to attend, I have taken a week of pure Starbucks mentality. Not only am I working full-time at the Ole Buxx, but I've put my pressing problems on the back burner in exchange for bite-size, short-term satisfaction. I crocheted a hat. I've lost five pounds. I recorded a song parody of "What Is This Feeling?", I've started writing a book, and I've had serious conversations with my mom about moving to California and trying to make it as a performer.

"You mean," said a perplexed Mom, "Like, a street performer?"

Maybe I just have difficulty seeing the long-term happiness that a college degree would give me. Nonetheless, I can't shake the euphoria I get when completing some low-quality, high-creativity task that makes one or two people smile. When I think of packing up my room again and crash landing in some other Psychology department, I feel like I'm just putting myself in the same Skinner box and bracing myself for the same shocks from the same electrified grid.

I'm worried, worried, worried.

But John McCain is really, really, really funny on Saturday Night Live right now.

*sips Grande Pumpkin Spice Americano, writes self a check for $1,000,000*