"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
- Helen Keller
(Excuse this insensitive knee-jerk reaction, but what the hell would Helen Keller know about looking at doors.)
My door of happiness this week has been Constitutional Law class. I had a feeling, from day one, that this particular door would start slowly sliding backwards against the ragged carpet of my steadfast will, but I certainly didn't expect to rip my own rug out from under me and let the door hit me in the face.
I mean, I'm supposed to be logical. I'm supposed to be an excellent communicator. Why am I the only one who stumbles over words and holds up the rest of the class while I dig frantically for my pocket Constitution? Why can't I escape my own ethical filters that keep me from finding the good in bad decisions? I wanted to go to law school, but now I can't stand to think of two years of my life devoted to a process of browsing instead of analyzing, manipulating instead of understanding, and slithering through vague arguments for justice, snatching pieces to fit my own ends.
So what is Emily now? A psychology major. For some reason, this feels like a defeat. I'm immensely interested in the field and the faculty fully supports my decision. It's just that going from the literal "study of conflict" to the study of cognitive processes and emotions seems like a downgrade. Instead of writing a paper on Korematsu v. U.S. I'll be researching hope vs. optimism.
It's okay, though, because all the students in the pre-law department are pretentious assholes, and I won't miss a single one of them.
Home: Spokane, WA
About Me: From the home office/bedroom/storage closet of my family's asbestos-ridden grandma house. I enjoy sushi, discovering life's little paradoxymorons, and overanalyzing mainstream pop culture from a safe distance. I believe in democracy, and in aliens, and in love - but I've only ever experienced one of them. My brains got eaten.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
posted by Emily at 4:17 PM
I'm glad you got out of that. I don't see you putting up with the bullshittery of Law School.