Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Anyone else who grew up in the MPS school district remember this? Let's revisit the tenets of Drug Awareness Resistance Education, since it has probably been at least ten years since we last recited this after the Pledge of Allegiance.
Sidenote: Drug Awareness Resistance Education. So... they're educating us on how to resist drug awareness. Ah, the subtle frustrations of convenient acronyms.

I pledge to live a drug-free life.
Well, that part seemed easy enough in 2nd grade. At nine years old, my future included living in a mansion with six dogs and three kids by the time I was twenty one. As a self-made Midwestern socialite, my dream refrigerator in my dream home was probably stocked with frozen pizza and Capri Sun. Never did I think of entertaining my elementary school friends with cocktails, or - DARE forbid - beer.
I want to stay healthy and happy.
Well, who the hell doesn't? If I could afford it, I'd make appointments with an allergist, medicate melancholy, get a personal trainer, frequent Pita Pit, swing dance, and never stop smiling. Unfortunately, my drug daddy likes to be paid on time.
I will say NO to tobacco.
I will say NO to alcohol.
Saying NO after your fourteenth shot of pineapple vodka does not count.
I will say NO to harmful drugs.
...because the people over at DARE didn't want little kids chanting in lisped monotone, "I will say NO to acid, powder, zombie weed, angel dust, strawberry fields, wacky tobacky (debatable), sextasy, bathtub crank, Bolivian marching powder, or Xanax mixed with Viagra."
I will help my friends say NO.
Actually, yes - but my reasoning was, "if you keep making yourself sick with alcohol every night, you're going to fail out of school, let's limit ourselves at least during finals week, okay?". It wasn't "BUT YOU RECITED THE DARE PLEDGE!!"
I pledge to stand up for what I know is right.
Oh, come on. Since teachers aren't going to engage 2nd graders in an epistemological debate, kids have to assume that 'what I know is right' is 'what the DARE program tells me is right'. I mean... there's drug use in the Bible. I'm positive that one or two kids in class have an alcoholic parent, or someone in their family with a drug problem. So... screw you, DARE. I've tried "drugs" and they didn't give me anything I didn't have before, so I'm simply not interested. Why don't you try that approach - instead of demonizing every substance you could possibly inhale, inject, or imbibe, let kids know the effects of the drugs and why they don't need them. Better yet, legalize everything and require the side effects to be posted, in plain view, on the labels.

(Sorry about this rant - I know I've left holes in my argument. Gaping holes. More holes than there are on the inside of my elbow.)
posted by Emily at 11:41 PM |


At June 18, 2008 at 12:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said........
Haha, it's so true! I think it would be much more effective if they did know...when the kids are actually getting into drugs and alcohol, like in middle school, not in elementary school where everyone has cooties. No, I take that back; DARE doesn't work at all. Everyone does a drug or drinks at least once.