I dislike disliking people. I'd like to be the kind of person who has no place in her heart for feelings of irreconcilable hate. I take the "H" word pretty seriously, and blogging about how I'm capable of angry, irrational hostility towards someone feels a little like wearing a shoplifted dress to a party with the tags still on. The problem is, there are certain people in my life who inspire nothing but mindless, primal rage. These are people in my life upon whom I might actually wish extremely un-Christian harm, and while I'm not proud of it, I think admitting the problem is the first step to recovery.

I think I'll start by explaining that my hatred only runs deep for a few people, probably three or four. Coincidentally, they are all male, and predictably, they were all once people that I trusted or identified with. These are all people who cause me physical revulsion when I see their names, and they are all people whom I avoid at all costs.

One of the people that I think I legitimately hate has no idea that I feel this way about him. I wonder, then, if there are people who hate me without my knowing it, and if I could do anything to change their attitude towards me. I've learned that it's impossible to keep everyone happy, but surely it's possible to keep someone from hating you, right?

I guess there are a few options as to cure the hate problem - after all, it hurts me more than it hurts those men. I could throw bricks in their windows and slander them ceaselessly to close friends. I could publish their names in a blog that nobody reads, or throw darts at their photocopied faces, or just trip them as they walk by.

The Bible, and the Koran, and probably the Kama Sutra all say to fight hate with love. Does that mean to love the ones you hate? Or to love other people so much that there's no place for it? Or to love fiercely in spite of equally ferocious hate? Ugh. Maybe I'll just throw those darts.